Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Not quite how I planned...

It was one of those days.  One of those "I'm going to control this day and not let it control me" kind of days.  

I decided that I was going to get up, get ready, and get out of the house.  A friend texted about meeting up at the mall for a quick lunch and playdate.  Perfect.

So I got up, got ready, and got out of the house.  Check.  I even remembered to pack everything I needed in the diaper bag.  Everything.  

As I pulled into the parking lot, it hit me.  The stroller.

You know, the one that was not in my car.   
The one that was sitting in my garage.  
The one I forgot. 

I shrug it off, think to myself, "You can do this."

I strap O into the Beco, grab Ellis and tote them both inside...feeling pretty confident.  

We go straight to the playground with our friends and all is well.

We even walked to the food court seamlessly.  (Well...besides the fact that we lost a shoe along the way and had to walk halfway back across the entire mall to find it.  No biggie.)  He held my hand without a fight, it was great. 

We ate lunch with only a few pieces of food thrown.  This is going great!

That's where I should have called it a success and went home.
I should have counted my blessings and not pushed my luck. 
My friend said, "I think I'm going to run into H&M quick..."

Go home, Kendahl.  Say no.  It's dangerously close to naptime. 

But instead I said, "Sure!  Let's go!"

I snapped this picture as we were walking in the store.  It was proof to my inner negative voice that I can do things like this.  I can take him into a store without a stroller for a quick browse.  My kid isn't always crazy.

Awesome, yes?

No.

no.no.no.

In a matter of minutes, I went from feeling like supermom to feeling like a complete failure as I literally ran through H&M with a baby strapped to my chest chasing my toddler as he ran away laughing.  It was a game.  I couldn't catch him and he knew it.  It was awful.
And scary at the same time.

What if we weren't in a store?  
What if we were out in the parking lot?  
What if he turns a corner and I can't find him?

I finally caught him, and sternly addressed the situation.  All at the same time knowing that the more upset I made him, the more impossible it would be to drag him through the mall to the other side where I was parked.  So, I made my point and walked to the back of the store again.  In attempt to calm him down and try some positive reinforcement...I gave him my phone to look through photos since he walked calmly while holding my hand back through the store.

And within seconds it happened again.  This time running and screaming.

I had to leave.  Immediately.
Embarrassed and overwhelmed.
And, selfishly, upset that things didn't go my way...the way I had planned for them to go.

I planned for a fun trip to the mall.
I planned for a lunch and a little shopping to catch up with some friends.
I planned for the little outing to refresh me and jumpstart my day to being productive and happy.

Instead I spent the rest of my day in a funk.  I replayed the situation over and over again.  What could I have done differently?  I replayed the last year and a half over and over...where did I go wrong?  Why is my child the one that everyone comments about?  Why is my son the one that can't sit still in church, or anywhere for that matter?  What parenting book are all these other moms reading that I am clearly not?

This is not how I planned it.

My kids were not supposed to be the crazy ones.
I never wanted to be the mom that had to chase her toddler through the store and reprimand him in public while strangers eyes are burning holes in my back.
I never intended to have to skip outings with friends because I can't control my own kid.


Have you been there?
Because I was there.  I'm still a little bit there now.

In the trap.  The comparison trap.  The lies.  It's a rough place. 


But I know the truth.
The truth isn't in the lies.  Or the comparison.  Or the why me's?

The truth is that I'm not a perfect mom.  And I don't have perfect kids.  And that's okay.

Because I serve one who is perfect.
And in my weakness, He is strong

And every time I ask "why me?" or want to give up, He taps me on the shoulder and gently reminds me that His grace is enough.

The next time things don't quite go as planned, remember...His power works best in weakness.
...breathe that in, friends.
 His power doesn't only work in weakness, it works best in weakness.

I share these things because I want the power of Christ to work through me.  I want to help others through my weakness.  I don't want to teach you how to be a better parent (though not taking your 20 month old into H&M without a stroller at nap time is a great place to start :) ) I want to tell you you aren't alone.  I want to drink coffee with you and laugh about all the silly parenting mistakes we made this week.   And about how loved you are.  

Monday, January 13, 2014

Fifty Two Pages | Jan 6 - Jan 12

It's Monday...which means it's time for #fiftytwopages!

If you are joining us for the first time, click here for full info and details.


(feel free to use this image in your blogpost, but please link back to my blog, thanks!)

I said this on instagram last night, but seeing this little dream I had a few months ago come to life really makes my heart happy.  Thank you to everyone who is joining along and sharing your pages in our little #fiftytwopages community. 

Furthermore, if you don't follow me on Instagram, please do!  I really do love seeing everyone's pages, but if you are private and don't follow me, I am not able to see them even if you tag them.  Which makes me sad.  So, if you don't mind, follow me @klthrock!  

Here's my #fiftytwopages collage for the week:

Your turn!
Go ahead and create and share your collage on IG/Twitter/facebook and make sure to tag #fiftytwopages

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Why and how cloth diapers work for us!


(I am not being paid by BumGenius, or cotton babies, to write this post.  These opinions/instructions are just simply based off of my own, personal experience.)


I want to start off by openly admitting that I am not a cloth diaper expert.

I am sure that there will be some of you reading this that know way more than I ever will know.  I don't have all the answers.  But I've been asked quite a bit to share why and how we cloth diaper, so I thought I'd try and get it all answered in one post!


At what age did you start cloth diapering your kids?
We were given disposable newborn and size 1 diapers for both of our kids as gifts when they were born.  We used those until they were gone and then started cloth diapering.  Ellis was just about 4 months and Olive was 2 months.  The diapers we use have a 7 lb minimum...so unless you have a super tiny baby, you can start as soon as you'd like!




Why do you cloth diaper?
There are a lot of reasons why someone would cloth diaper.  The most common seem to be to help the environment and to save money.  I'll be honest here.  It's not that I don't care about the earth, but that is not why we chose the cloth diaper route.  It was 100% a financial decision for us.  We simply didn't have an extra $50/month in our budget for diapers when we knew there was another option.


But they are expensive and I don't know if I can justify the upfront cost.  Does it really save that much money?
We did some research and found that the average cost to diaper one kid per month in disposables was around $30-$50.  (The cheaper end being the generic brand, which I am not at all opposed to!)  And the average kid is potty trained by 2.5 years old.  So, even on the cheapest end, you are looking at spending $1000+ to diaper a child through to being potty trained.

The cost of a cloth diaper varies largely based on which style/brand you go with.  There are some prefolds/covers that are dirt cheap all the way up to $60 designer cloth diapers.  And surprisingly people will pay a lot for cloth!  We went the middle of the road.  We wanted something easy but affordable.  The diapers we selected cost $18/diaper.

Here's a tip, ask for them as gifts!  Birthday, Christmas, baby shower, etc.  We put them on our baby registry and were gifted 6 diapers for Ellis.  I bought another 6 on a buy 5 get one free sale ($90).  The other costs involved are a couple wet bags (approx $10 each) and diaper liners ($10 roll).  We ended up bying a couple of hemp inserts for night time when Ellis got a little older to avoid leaks at night.  Those cost about $30.  So we had a grand total of $160 that we paid for our diapers.

Even if you bought all 12 full price, you are looking at around $250, which is still less than a fourth of what you would pay for generic disposables.  

And I don't know where people get the idea that your water bill will explode.  It's almost funny.  It's like they think cloth diapering families slave away doing multiple crazy water sucking loads of laundry a day.  Sure, it added about 3 extra loads of laundry a week.  Maybe a little extra water on the bill, but I can honestly say we never noticed any significant increase.  Also, the amount of detergent you use per load is so minimal the extra cost for that is also next to nothing.




What type/brand did you choose and why?
We use BumGenius 4.0 pocket style diapers (with snaps).

A pocket diaper has an outer shell, with a removable insert.  The insert is the part that absorbs, the outer shell is the part that is waterproof and keeps the diapers from leaking.  We chose the pockets because I liked the ability to stuff them with different types of inserts as needed (for example the hemp inserts for night time use).  Besides the one-step stuffing of the diaper, they are so similar to a regular diaper in the changing process.  That was really a plus for my semi-hesistant husband :)

The other reason we chose the 4.0s is that they are what is called a "one size" diaper.   This means that the same diaper can be used on my 8 pound baby and my 20 month old.  They have different snaps on the front that adjust and allow them to "grow" with the baby all the way up until they are no longer in diapers.

I have heard the argument that some babies don't fit in the one size and therefore need the more fitted diapers.  (therefore needing to buy new cloth diapers as the baby grows and adding significantly to the overall cost of cloth diapering) That may be the case for a select few, but I would argue that BumGenius really does a great job with their one size diapers.  I have had a super skinny lanky baby and a short chubby baby and have had no fit issues with either one so far.

Also, the brand is very reputable and so far we have only had one manufacturing issue.  One of the diaper shells started to break down and leaked out of the PUL (the outer waterproof layer).  We tried a few "home remedies" that I found on pinterest and had no luck at fixing it.  A friend of mine said she had a similar issue and BumGenuis replaced the diaper at no cost to her.  I am sure if I took the time to look into it they would do the same for me, but I honestly just haven't done that.

Besides that, all of the diapers we have work and look like new even after almost 2 years of full-time use.



What about buying used cloth diapers?
There are a lot of mix opinions on this.  I am sure even a lot of my cloth friends won't even agree with me on this one...but I don't like the idea of buying used.  It has nothing to do with it being gross or unsanitary.  It completely has to do with investing your money wisely.  First off, cloth diapers retain their value very well and so the cost of used is only slightly cheaper than buying new.

But, more importantly, you have absolutely no clue how the last owner took care of their diapers.  Did they wash them with bleach too many times?  Did they accidentally use fabric softener?  Did they wash with a detergent that possibly clogged up the inserts?  You have no idea.  They may have done some serious damage to those diapers that you will not find out until they start going bad.  You also have no warranty and usually no way to contact the seller for a refund.

Most cloth diaper companies out there have a trial period where you can try and return if you don't like them.  And most new diapers have a warranty from the manufacturer that if something breaks or wears down early on, you can get it replaced.  But not if you aren't the original owner.

I think over the years of diapering you are more likely to spend less money and less worry if you invest in a set of new, reputable brand cloth diapers.  


How many diapers do you have?
We had 12 with Ellis and then bought another 12 for Olive.  Most companies will recommend closer to 18-24 diapers per baby.  Obviously that would be nice and mean less laundry, but again, we did this to save money, so we only had 12.   And here's a little secret the cloth diaper companies won't tell you...it really wasn't hard.  



How often do you have to do laundry?
Well, because we only had 12 diapers for Ellis, we did a load of diapers about every 1.5 days.  Depending on how many he went through there were some days we did a load each night and there were other days we could go a day between washing.  As he got older and used less diapers we were able to go every other day pretty consistently.


What is your wash method?
We have run the gamut on wash methods.  This is the one tricky thing about cloth diapering.  You have to find out what works best for your washer and water type.  It's a lot of live and learn.

This is our current regimen
(but again...what works perfectly for us may not work for you at all...but I'd be happy to help you troubleshoot if you are having washing issues!)

Medium water level (too much water doesn't scrub enough, too little water left them stinky)
1 cold rinse cycle (no soap)
1 hot wash cycle (2 tablespoons of Tide Original Ultra Powder detergent*)
1 hot rinse cycle
Dry inserts on hot
Hang shells to dry**

(*Tide is typically not a recommended cloth diaper detergent.  But after a lot of research we found that the liquid detergents were were using were clogging up our diapers and a lot of people were reporting good luck with the Tide Ultra Powder.  It ended up working for us.  Other tide detergents can ruin your diapers so don't try without lots of research.)

(**in light of full disclosure here...we used to be great at hang drying the shells, but lately have slacked off and dried them in the dryer quite a bit.  This is not recommended, but we have seen zero issues with it and know a lot of people who do it.  Just know, if you machine dry the shells, you void the warranty on the diaper.)

About once a month I throw in 1/2 cup of bleach to the wash to help with stains and smell.  (recommended by BumGenius)



But don't you hate how big and bulky they are?  Do they fit well under clothes?
Honestly I've never thought twice about it.  Even more, I think it's cute.  We have never had any clothes not fit because of cloth diapers :)  Sure, your kiddo may have a fluffier butt than others, but is not having that really worth $750+?


I want to try cloth diapers but I am afraid of leaks.  Do you get a lot of leaks?
We had some leaks in the beginning with Ellis, but I write that off to being a newbie.  We probably didn't have the snaps tight enough or left the diaper on for too long.  After about a week we figured it out and the leaks stopped.

Then around 9 months we started having leaks again.  This time was a little more frustrating.  We were seemingly doing everything right and they just kept leaking.  We ended up stripping the diapers and finding a new detergent.

For those curious, the best way to strip BumGenius diapers is to add a tablespoon of blue Dawn dish soap to the wash cycle and then rinse 4-5 extra rinses.  Then dry as normal.

Since we did that, we have had no serious leak issues.  Every now and then if we are out running errands and leave E in a diaper a little too long we will leak, but again, that's user error.

If you are having leak issues, keep trying.  This can be a big frustration in the moment, but it's worth hanging on and figuring it out.  Don't give up.  I'd be happy to help anyone troubleshoot leak issues if you want to comment below or email me!




What do you do about babysitters/church nursery/etc?
Well, that's up to you.  We personally just talk to each person and let them decide what to do.  We don't force anyone to cloth diaper our kids :)  Thankfully everyone that we have ever asked has no issue doing it once they see how easy it is.  It really is like taking off and putting on a disposable, just with snaps instead of sticky tabs.  And you don't throw it away, of course! :)

If you want to make it easy though, just keep a couple disposables with you and use them when you leave your kid with someone.  It won't break the bank if you use them sparingly.






What is your actual diapering process from beginning to end?
We keep the diapers in a drawer in our living room.  When a kid needs a change, I grab a (pre stuffed) diaper, a liner, and wipes.  I unsnap the diaper, wipe the baby, and remove the dirty diaper.  Then (just as you would with a disposable, grab a new diaper and snap it on.   We keep the dirty diapers in a pail by the washing machine.  When the diapers are all dirty we wash, dry, stuff, and then put them back in the drawer.  Really is pretty simple.

And...when we go out, I just throw a few diapers in the diaper bag and a wet bag for storing the dirty ones.  Same process besides that!


and...the question you're all dying to ask...
What do you do with the poop?
You see, there are these handy little things called liners.  Don't cloth diaper with out them.  Just don't.
They look like dryer sheets and go on top of the diaper, against babies skin.  They collect the poop.  Sure, some may slip through, around, or out, but they collect it 99% of the time.   I take the liner and wipes and flush them (I don't actually touch them, just open the diaper and shake them into the toilet).  Then throw the dirty diaper in a pail/wetbag.  If any poop leaked onto the diaper, you may need to do a quick rinse before you throw them in the wash.  A utility sink is perfect for this.    Don't bother with diaper sprayers.  They are just a mess to try and use without covering yourself in poo splatters.
Yes, I said poo splatters.  Just buy the liners. Please.




(My mom just said poo splatters.  I apologize for her.)


So, there ya go!
I'm a big advocate for cloth diapers and really hope that this post helped you see how simple it can be.  If you are still on the fence about it and have further questions, please don't hesitate to ask!

Also, if you use another brand/style of diaper that you love, please share the love below! :)

Monday, January 6, 2014

Fifty Two Pages | Dec 30 - Jan 5

It's monday...which means it's time to show us your #fiftytwopages!

I know we have a lot of newbies joining up this week!  Welcome! :)



For those just joining --- here are some answers to a couple of the questions most tend to ask in the beginning! :)

What App do you use to make your collage?
I recommend PicStitch to create a collage right on your phone. 

You can download the PicStitch app here:
Pic Stitch - Big Blue Clip, LLC

What App do you use to edit your photos?


It's a great (inexpensive + totally worth it) photo editing app with endless filter options.  My favorite part of the app is that it allows you to create and save your own "recipes" of your favorite edits so you can use them again and again.


How do you get those Dates on your collage?
I use photoshop on my computer to add the text.

However, to keep things super simple, I recommend using one of the following apps on your computer that all you to add and save text to your photos:



Here's my collage for the week!

Now it's time to share yours!

Tag #fiftytwopages on IG, Twitter, or Facebook to join along!  And make sure to check out others' collages, it's great to see all the different pictures and ways that you all are styling your pages!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Olive Ruth | 2 Months

Weight: 11 lb 12oz (actual)

Length: 21.5in (actual)



Likes: 
You love being talked to. You are such a big smiler and as soon as we say "hello" you just go crazy.  Your little grin that you were doing before has turned into the biggest giggliest smile.  You get a sparkle in your eye that is just so contagious.  We can't see you smile without smiling right back.  You love when we say "hello peanut" or your nickname "sugar" or as mom prefers, "sugardoos".

You still like your swaddle.  You are a little more of a Houdini these days and so we've had to perfect the double swaddle.  You have yet to bust out of the 2 layers, but I am sure that it won't take long before you figure it out.

You love your paci.  Thankfully, you don't need it constantly at night.  You fall asleep with it and as soon as you are out it falls out and you are content without.

You have come to love bath time.  You love just laying in the water.  We tried baths with your brother, but he is just a little too crazy for you.   You just want to relax and he likes to splash and dive bomb the duckies on to you.  So, we keep rocking the sink baths for you and you love it.


Dislikes:  
Besides having a full diaper, not much makes you unhappy.  Mom saw real tears for the first time at your 2 month appointment when you got your shots.  That was the first time we heard you really really cry.  For the most part, you are just a very content happy baby.



Milestones: 
You are sooooo close to sleeping through the night.  But not quite there.  You will have a couple good nights and then 
another night of being up every couple of hours.  You have done a couple 7 hours stretches and one 9 hour!  It was a good break for mom, but on average you are doing about 5-6 hours at night.  There is no rhyme or reason as to what nights you sleep longer, so we stopped trying to figure you out.  

You are up to 5 ounces every 3 hours during the day.  We just talked about upping you to 5.5 because you love to eat so much! :)

You officially have outgrown your newborn clothes.  You are wearing 3 month and even some 3-6 month clothes!  

You are starting to have a lot more awake time.  It's fun to see you start to react and interact with some of your toys.  We need to keep working on the tummy time.  You haven't shown any interest in trying to roll over at all. 





Firsts: 
Thanksgiving!  We had a few different Thanksgiving celebrations and you loved them all.  And by loved them, I mean you wore your Turkey Shirt like a pro and slept the day away.  You did sleep through meal time and allow your parents to eat handsfree which was great, so thanks for that! :)




Fun Fact: 
We have had a lot of people ask us if we think you look like Ellis.  Up until now, my response was that I don't think you really "look" like him, but that your mannerisms and movements remind me of him.  However, over the last few weeks your look has been changing.  And after taking these pictures, we have officially changed our minds.  You look just like him.  I searched for a few pictures of Ellis when he was 2 months old to compare and what I found was crazy!  Your brother is adorable though, so it's not a bad thing to look like him! :)  Also, I find it kind of funny that you are just about the same weight that he was at 2 months, but you are 3 inches shorter!




Happy 2 months Olive Ruth, we love you!

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Want to see Ellis' 2 month post?  Click here!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

What's in a year?



What's in a year?
More specifically, what's in a Throckmorton year?

The 10 most significant things we did in the year 2013...

10. Packed away the bottles (and toys, and pacis, and blankets)
      ...and then got them back out.

9.  Saved up and bought a second vehicle with cash.

8.  Put our house on the market.

7.  Went on a 2 and a half week road trip...and survived!  (with only a few minor hiccups)

6.  Ellis turned one...10 weeks after finding out we were pregnant with number 2!

5.  I transitioned from working part time to staying at home full time...leading to the start of my new blog, online shop, and joining the Thrivemoms team.

4.  Ellis learned to crawl, walk, finally eat solid foods, and pull the dog's tail.

3.  Olive Ruth was born on October 23rd.  She learned to smile, coo, and aallllmost sleep through the night.

2.  Celebrated 5 years of marriage.

and the number one thing we did in 2013...

changed diapers.
Lots of diapers.
Around 2500 of them.


Thanks for journeying with me through the blog this last year.  I'm not all that sappy when it comes to starting fresh at the new year.  To me, the best thing about the new year is that we are that much closer to spring.  But I am excited to see what 2014 will bring.  I have a feeling this year holds something big.  Let's do this.

Peace out 2013. 

Monday, December 30, 2013

Fifty Two Pages | Dec 23 - Dec 29

It's monday.  Which means it's time for Fifty Two Pages!  
Please join us.  You won't regret it.  I promise.

It's a project on being intentional.  It's a project on making memories and keeping them alive.

It's your memories in Fifty Two Pages.





Share your collages from the week on IG, Twitter or Facebook with tag #fiftytwopages
Bring on the Christmas pictures!!

My fifty two pages from this week:


Monday, December 23, 2013

Fifty Two Pages | Dec 16 - Dec 22

It's monday.  Which means it's time for Fifty Two Pages!  
Please join us.  You won't regret it.  I promise.

It's a project on being intentional.  It's a project on making memories and keeping them alive.

It's your memories in Fifty Two Pages.





I had a slow picture week this time around.  But I can promise you next week I will not be able to choose...I just might have to make a few collages :) 

Go ahead and link up your #fiftytwopages on Twitter, IG, or Facebook

Also, while you are at it, would you mind pinning that super cool 5-step graphic up above?  
(Did I just break all social media "rules" by asking you to share something for me...?  Ooops.)  
But really...if you could that would be quite the Christmas gift to me!  :)


My #fiftytwopages from Dec 16 - Dec 22



Friday, December 20, 2013

Ellis Hay | 18 Months

For Ellis' first year I did these every month, and now that I'm switching that to every 6 months, I feel like there is SOOOO much to catch up on.  It's even hard to remember what all has changed in the last 6 months!  So bear with me, this one's a little longer than the rest :)

Weight: 27.5 lbs

Height: 3 feet tall!



Likes: 

You love people.  You love when someone new walks in a room and don't like when they leave.  You are a very social kid.  When it's just you and your mama at home, you tend to get a little board.  Going out in public and waving/talking to everyone is a fun afternoon activity!

Being outside.  You are all boy.  Nature excites you.  It stinks how cold it is getting because that's going to very much limit the amount of time we get to play outside.  And you are at such a fun, exploring age.

Your pacis.  I feel like the older you get, the more you are getting attached.  You only get them in bed, but you are becoming more and more excited about them when you see them.  You love going to bed at night and I credit this to the pacis in bed.  Seriously, we say "nigh-night?" and you bolt to the stairs.

You love getting your hair brushed.  You think it's so funny and you even try to do it yourself!

Trains, cars, and kitchen utensils are you favorite toys.  I think your very favorite would be the ladle.



Dislikes:  
You are starting to revert back to not liking baths.  I am not sure why or what happened, but it's hit or miss on whether you are going to cooperate in the bath or not.  

You aren't a huge fan of vegetables.  I think that a lot of it still has to do with texture.  You touch/squish every piece of food before you eat it to make sure it is just right before you eat it.  You are a silly boy.

The word no.  Yep, we have a toddler in the house.  And you are starting to repeat it.  Stop growing up please?



Milestones: 
You still love your sleep.  Some days you are just too wound up to get in a good nap, but for the most part you practically ask to go to bed.  And unless you are sick, you sleep the whole night through without waking.  You go down and wake up right about 7:30pm and am!

You are a crazy tech generation child.  You have figured out how to turn the TV on and off, how to scroll around on our iPhones to find the games you want to play and how to get up on mamas office chair and type on the computer keyboard.  You really do amaze us at the things you have figured out.  

You are in the toddler room at church now.  And you love it.  You get to run and play and even have a snack.  I think you would live at the church if we let you.

You are still about the same with words.  You like to "talk" a lot in your own little language, but we haven't picked up many more real words in the last few months.



Firsts: 


First time trick or treating!  Last year we got you dressed up and you went around in the stroller for fun, but this year you ran up to a house (maybe 2) with the big kids.  It was short lived, but you were the cutest little Pop-eye we've ever seen.  And you felt so cool with the big kids.  

Last month you had your first weekend ever without your mama!  Mama packed up and went to a 3 day conference and left you home with your dad.  You and dad had so much fun.  You went to a pumpkin patch and hung out with your cousins.  We think you really enjoyed your boy weekend!  And mama really enjoyed her "time off", but was very happy to see you when she returned!

Shortly after your first birthday you had your first haircut!  It was just a little trim, but you handled it like a champ.  With your crazy curls, you have had quite a few more haircuts since then.

We took our first loooooong road trip this past summer.  You were an absolute trooper.  We went from home to Carmi, IL for a week long mission trip.  Then down to Chattanooga, TN for a good HS friend's wedding.  We got to see your little buddy Grayson there!  From there we went to Salem, SC to see your great grandparents for a couple days.  After leaving there we went up to North Carolina to see your cousins.  We got all the way to the very end of our 2 1/2 week vacation before you got sick.  You woke up our last day in NC with a 103 fever.  Throughout the day it spiked to 106 and landed us in the ER.  Fortunately you were okay and had no side effect from the fever, though it was very scary.  We left the next day for home and stopped in to visit the Moore's in TN.  It was a very long trip and we all had such a good time.  I see this becoming a tradition for us each summer.  The extended vacation was good for all of us to just get away and relax.

 


Fun Fact: 
This month you became a BIG BROTHER. (a few days after you turned 18 months).  Your little 
sister, Olive, was born on Oct 23rd.  Let's just say you are smitten.  You are amazing with her.  You aren't overly attentive, but you don't ignore her either.  You will go say hi, give her a kiss, and then go about your business.  We are so proud of you, you helped make the transition to two kids very smooth.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

post about pacis




Sometimes as a mom I find myself fretting about the small things.

I even sometimes convince myself that if I go easy on my son and let him break our house "rules" I will somehow break him.  I will somehow turn my kid into the bully in elementary school.  Or the detention bound freshman.  I don't worry about the big things.  We call those the non-negotiables around here.  The "don't touch the stove" the "don't sit on your sister" the "don't hit the dog…or your dad…or the wall".  Those rules are simple to keep.  They keep order.  They keep us safe.  

But the little things.  Man, that's where I slip.

We don't let him stand on the furniture.  But when I'm feeding the baby and he's dancing on the other side of the couch, sometimes I let it slide. 

We don't eat junk.  But when I'm sick and too tired to care, that's when I find myself letting him eat half of my pop-tart instead of cooking him eggs.

We watch a show in the morning and one right after nap.  But when he's walking around yelling for Thomas and I've run out of other things to do, sometimes we watch 1, 2, or 3 more just because it's easy.

And we only have pacis in bed.  Not even the car.  We are pretty strict on this.  But when your kid walks into the room beaming, after discovering his parent's hiding place, aka, the jackpot of all pacis…you just have to let it slide.  Because it's adorable.


So, why do I worry about these little rules?  Why do I hold myself up against all these "perfect" standards as a mom and judge my abilities based on the silly guidelines?  It's like a checklist of right/wrong.  And I pass or fail based on how many things I did right that day.

But this is so backwards.


At church this past week, our pastor asked us a question that changed me.  It has changed the way I think about my days.  It changed my perspective.  

"Are we simply modifying the behavior or shaping the hearts of our children?"

Whether our children follow all of our rules or not is not the only gauge.  It's their heart.  Why are they doing the things they do?  Why are they making the decisions they do?  When Ellis ran into the living room juggling 9 pacis and the biggest smile on his face…he wasn't being disobedient.  He was overjoyed.  He was proud.  He was so gosh darn adorable.  At one point he literally just sat down and looked at them.  Spread them out and touched each one slowly.  And I let him relish in that joy.  I let him enjoy his treasure.  


...But after some time of enjoying, when I asked him to put them away because it wasn't bed time, he did.  He listened.  He wasn't driven by fear of rules.  He was driven by the direction of his mama and he obeyed.  


Do we live our lives like this?  Are we driven by the fear of a rule book?  Do we treat the gospel as a book of right and wrong and judge ourselves based off of it?

Or do we live a life in which we respect our heavenly Father and and Love him enough to follow his instruction.  Do we keep the "non-negitiables" but trust God to guide us daily in the little things?

Now, please hear my heart.  I am not saying that we do not need to be faithful in the small things.  Because we most definitely do.  But that's not what this is about.  This is about freedom from the fear of being perfect.  This is about not being so afraid of the rules that we miss the moment.  That we miss the joy.  That we miss the relationship with the rule maker.  

So seek His direction.  And when He gives you good gifts, relish in them.

…and when he tells you to put the pacis away, put the pacis away. 

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