Tuesday, December 3, 2013

my non-vision vision

I'm a sucker for vision.

I need it.

I need to see how all the things fit into the plan.

I jump into things quickly, but tend to jump out quicker if I can't wrap my brain around how it fits into a bigger vision.

...but I'm not a visionary.

I struggle to find the vision.

I long for it.
I search for it.
But I can rarely find it.

I have struggled lately to find a vision for my blog and shop.

I have had long winded, emotional conversations with my husband longing to unearth a purpose to why I do this.  Guys, I drive him crazy.

Why do I write?  Why do I design?  Why do I create?!

Saturday night was rough.  We had a long, fun day with family.  We put the kids to bed and were enjoying just being with adults and catching up with out of town family.  Around 11:00 Ellis woke up throwing up.  He was a mess.  Snotty, gross, and very sad...the sad is the worst.  We cleaned him up, changed clothes and bedding, and got him back down.  He spent the rest of the night restless and up a few times.  On top of that, Olive was up to eat at her normal times.  But we didn't complain (much).  We didn't over think it.  We didn't sit down and map out a 20-step vision plan with an end goal in mind.

We just did life.  Life called me to clean up puke, so I responded.  Life called me to get up and feed my newborn, so I did.

And it felt good.  To hold him and change him and feed her and simply give them both the love that they needed felt good. 

And the more I think about vision...the more I realize that life can't always be planned.  I didn't plan on needing extra PJs for Ellis that night.  I didn't plan on him being sick.  I didn't plan on him being sad.  I didn't plan on being up with both him and Olive that night.  But we just reacted.  Parenting doesn't work within a perfect long term vision

...and neither does this.

So I will stop trying to make it all fit.  I will post pictures of my kids just because I can.  I will tell a story from my day even if it's not pretty.  I will design whatever comes to mind.  I will choose not to sew for months on end because for me it's too overwhelming to sew with a new baby.  I will soak up the season that I am in and respond to it.

A non-vision vision.
...and lots and lots of coffee.

Because when you are up all night with a sick toddler and a newborn, you sit in your driveway for a few extra minutes and finish your coffee.  Because in the car they can't run.  Because in the car they can't touch you.  Because in the car they can't put toys in your coffee cup.   Because that's real life.
And it's better than any perfect vision I could dream up. 

What perfect vision do you need to let go of?  
Here's your permission to let go and just respond to life...

1 comment:

  1. Oh goodness, I'm two weeks in and today was one of those days! Mali wanted to eat ALL MORNING LONG, slept no longer than 20 minutes at a time, and then as soon as my husband came home (early) from work, she was a sleeping angel for hours! Then she wanted to eat all evening, finally put her down to bed, and I thought I'd pump so my husband could take an overnight feeding since he's off tomorrow. Guess how much I was able to pump?! Half an ounce. SO, I guess I'll be doing all the feedings tonight. Yikes. I know I need not complain- I am blessed to have this sweet baby, I'm just SO DANG TIRED. So yes, tomorrow, if I need to sleep while she sleeps, I will. I will just be easy on myself and foret that the kitchen in a mess, etc.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...