| Wondering Wednesday |

I like to wonder a lot.

And I mean a lot.

Bryan gets quite a few phone calls from me in which I say, "okay, I've been wondering again..." and he knows that this means I am going to tell him my thoughts and he is to think over them and later on we will discuss our conclusions.

Most of the time my wonderings are in questions form, but sometimes they are stories or situations. I wonder about things as simple as, "What should we do this week for our date night?" or as contemplative as, "Does forgiveness always mean giving a second chance?". I have even been known to wonder about extremely odd things such as "Do squirrels ever die of natural causes?" (yes this is a serious hold up for me...)

Either way, I am a wonderer.

I don't always get my answers, but I do like to discuss them.

It's actually one of my favorite things to do...

I had a pretty deep conversation with Cecily this morning about selfishness.

So, I figured, who better to share my thoughts with than everyone?

Philippians 2:3 - Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Psalms 119:36 - Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.

And I know from 1 Corinthians 13 that "love is not self-seeking."

These are just a few of many verses that warn us from being selfish. Selfishness brings your heart away from God and places your focus onto yourself.

None the less, we are human, and our inclination is to be selfish.

Our human desire is to want what is best for ourselves, sadly, sometimes even at the expense of others. Our need to be "happy" or even "joyful" is something that every person longs for. We strive for what is best - we want the best doctors to treat our illnesses, we want the best job for our personality, we want the church that will best bring us closer to God.

We are selfish in our innermost being.

Okay, so I get it, we are selfish, so we should pray and turn our selfish thoughts into Godly thoughts. Sure. I mean it's not easy, but it's just what we have to do, right?

Well, here's where it gets tricky:

Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will grant you the desires of your heart."

Hold up! The desires of my heart?

The desires of my heart are as selfish as selfish can be.

I desire a long, healthy life for myself and the ones I love. I desire beauty and praise. I desire a family filled with love and laughter. I desire jobs for Bryan and I that will allow us to be joyful and provided for. I desire to go on vacations, live in a house with a big yard, and of course to be liked by others. I desire many, many selfish things.

Now don't get me wrong. I desire to help others through my life. I desire to use what God has given me to improve the lives of others. Bryan and I desire to use our money to help others who don't have as much as we do...Not all of my desires are self-centered. But they are selfish. They are what I want - so isn't that selfish?

Simply put, my wondering question for the day is this:

"How are we supposed to be able ask God to grant us the desires of our hearts without being selfish?"

I know that Jesus says in John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." We are supposed to enjoy this life, I am not one of those that thinks we shouldn't be happy, in fact I am far from that. I think that we need to live this life to the fullest and live in the moment not missing out on the small things.

But how does this work if we aren't to be selfish?

Here is where I am stumped. So, I shall wonder, and ponder if you will, on this today. I encourage you to wonder with me. And, if you happen to come up with anything, or just want to ramble as I like to do :) please comment.

That's all. Wonder away...